A woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 11:30 PM. 

One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading. 

The husband takes one look and says, 'What!...you lost it all?'

TECH SUPPORT CALLS WHICH ACTUALLY OCCURRED!

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."


Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours a day."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

 
Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button." 
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
 
Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it 
 
Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."
 
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

If at first you don’t succeed‚ then skydiving is not for you.

Honk if you love peace and quiet. -- Anonymous!

Q: The Mississippi River is the dividing line between Tennessee and Arkansas. If an airplane crashed exactly in the middle of the Mississippi River there, where would the survivors be buried?

A: Nowhere, you don't bury the survivors!